dashboardrapist:

Is it sad that my cat popped into my head?

The dream that I dreamt last night, could it be considered as sweet dream or a nightmare? I wonder. It has been haunting me for the whole day and has etched a memory in my head. I told myself to forget about you, but I just have to miss you and harvest this nostalgic feeling that continues to siphon my energy as the day passes. In my dream all I remembered me saying was :” thank you for giving me another chance”. What is that suppose to mean? I’m in a quandary and I have no idea where to go on, my life is like a squalid warehouse and posses nothing but perpetual darkness.

All you people out there can never understand my pain. The misery and torment that I’m going through. Don’t you guys get it? Everyone make mistakes, why do you have to be so small hearted and obstinate about forgiveness? Don’t you just want to end this dispute? Sometimes, I detest myself for trusting every word that came out from your mouths, think that it was ladened with honesty, joy, love, compassion and maturity. But I was wrong, all of you are like soft iron, your feelings fluctuates with the days that pass by and you do not have a consistent mindset of your daily lives. I have been trying to aid you, encourage you to study, but all you do is treat my words as if they hold negligible meaning. I stand alone, watching and condoning all pain as you all augment to my misery. Yes, I am begrudge of your burgeoning friendships, that is so as I want to be like you people. The ability to have fun everyday in school is not what I always posses and is actually a privilege in my daily life. How can you be so callous so as to not understand your surroundings? Your broken promises, lies, malevolence, and betrayal. Why do you not mean what you say? Why so? Everyday I just prognosticate what our friendships are going to be like, sadly enough, it never comes true. Your teeming voices are like high decibels to my ears, screaming into them, I just can never forget the pain, or can pain forget me? I am in a quandary, I do not know where to lay my next footstep, will I risk having to go through the torment again? I hope not in the near future. And I just pray that my spirit will be unassailable towards your actions. If not, the least is that I will fall into perpetual darkness. I hope that this will not divulge to the knowledge of all that is of existence.

I treasured you as one of my good friends but the sentiments aren’t mutual. Am I right? When you antagonise him, you go through all sorts of measures in order to earn his forgiveness and acceptance. Whereas me on the other hand, is a negligible existence in your eyes. You do not bother to converse with me, ask me out or even to sit together. You just act as if my existence was never present from the start, I’m amazed because I am not as fortunate so as to posses that ability. You tell me off, I accept it, but why does our friendship end there? Aren’t we suppose to be better friends? I know our friendship is mundane and it led you to feel blasé and be ladened with ennui. But, is friendship all about fun? Isn’t it the amount of storms that we go through together? Sometimes you too got your facts wrong.

When you tell me something, is it for the sake of saying or do you actually meant it? I actually trusted and had faith in you to proceed with your actions from what you said in your speech. Now engulfed in darkness, I feel alone, I thought you must be one of my good friends. But just like when I told you my problems today, you just seem nonchalant and blasé about it. It actually hurt me, as I thought I could pour out my problems to you and that you might understand. But no, you did not even give a second thought about it. Do my words seem negligible to you or more importantly, do my existence seem negligible towards you? Sorry that my character is mundane and that I cannot bring out as much fun and joy the others can. I know what I say may seem gay but actually I just treat my friendships very seriously.

I literally need a shoulder to cry onto now. Looking at my pathetic state where I am all lonely and isolated away from the others. I don’t think anyone bothers to hear me out, I have no one to count on. Sadness and despair are probably the most expedient words to describe my life. Sounds so cliche huh

Today is one of the worst day of my life. I told myself to not be affected by your bullshit but in the end I was depressed. Why so? I hate this character of mine, I won’t do anything even though you treat me like shit. Firstly, I don’t recall doing anything harmful towards you.
2nd, I never gossiped about you.
3rd, I always helped you when others gossip about you.
Fuck you, why do you have to piss me off and make my day bad?
I hope one day you will reap what you sow.
Fuck face

Thanks for giving a damn to my existence. You said you will but what happened in the end? You should know his purpose is to make everyone including you to hate me. He wants me to feel like shit, how can you not know? Yes, I am upset what, you talk to him the whole time and you have never talked to me for the whole fucking day. Thanks for the invite.

Weren’t you the one who said you were also paranoid? Hmm, ironic.

Expectations

Reality

More Laughs Here

Left out, isolated and alone is what you made me feel. You said it’s the thought that counts but in actual fact, you do not even have the thought, it’s just a passing remark to you but it means a lot to me. I’ve told you everything that occured in my life and have not kept any secret from you, but, such trivial matters you still have to hinder them from me. Why? What did I do to not deserve the knowledge of what you are doing? Am I a liability towards you, in your life? 

You ticked me off more then once, and this time you have crossed the line. You are selfish, ignorant, stubborn and fucking stupid. When I insulted your crush, you were angry, and acted as if she was with you but no she is not and will never be. I only start insulting you when you start insulting me, you act as if you are popular with girls, you act as if everyone likes you. I have been putting up your bullshit for far too long. Small things of occurrence of girls you act as if it’s the end of the world. Another fucked up aspect of yours, hypercriticism. Piece of fucking filth. I’m only holding myself to punch you in the ugly face, go suck your crush’s dick

When will you ever notice me? When will you ever know that I was the one caring for you behind the scenes all the time? :,(

thehardtruths:

will do anything to get that. 

Will I ever stay this unwanted and lonely?